Don't let the mean girls (or boys) get ya down

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

We all know that people are mean to each other. There is something about fat that brings out a really mean side of people. As I mentioned in my last post, I've spent most of my life trying to lose weight. At various times along my weight loss journey, I encountered extremely discouraging and even humiliating moments. And I let it get to me. Its very easy to say "ignore them," but much harder in practice. 

In middle school there were several girls whose mission was to make my life miserable. At that time it wasn't totally about my weight, it was really about anything and everything. I hated going to school and had lots of sick days because of it. Eating made me feel better (or so I thought until I was done eating). 

High school was better, but then in college I gained WAY more than the Freshman Fifteen. I ballooned up! Finally, I started working on my eating and exercise habits around my Junior year. It was SO hard. Carrying around an extra 70 lbs (not my heaviest even) makes exercise a real challenge. I consistently exercised and really gave it my all. One day while out walking, a truck full of boys drove by and mooed at me, laughing. Really? There were numerous nasty looks at the gym (every gym) and finally I just let it get to me; I consented. I gave up and decided it was pointless because I was never going to lose the weight. And my weight continued to increase. People treated me differently because of my weight. 

News flash: Fat people are not deaf! They can hear the nasty comments.

I'm not going to pretend that the disparaging remarks only came from other people. I said plenty of hateful things to myself, too. Those are the hardest comments to tune out. 

Although it took some time, eventually I got past all the nastiness. I am a firm believer that there is a lesson to be learned from every bad situation. These experiences helped develop my empathy; realize the kind of person I want to be (and not to be). I want to be an encourager. I'm not going to laugh at or mock people trying to get healthy no matter how heavy they are. I'm going to applaud people who aren't discouraged by mean people and just keep on keepin' on. I'm not going to join the obnoxious, gossipy group making light of others' pain. I hope that my children, and others, learn this, too.

Be good to yourself, and other people....it can only make you healthier. My friends and family have been so encouraging about this blog and I am truly blessed to know such a great group of people! What have others done that encouraged you to keep on track to your goals when the going gets tough?

Had to throw this quote in, too!

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever. In it's place is something that you have left behind…let it be something good." Anonymous quote from KLOVE Morning Show Blog on 1/25/13 What do you leave behind?

Why, oh why, am I doing this?

Recently, my aunt gave me a picture she found from about 12 years go (see below). I was horrified! It was when I was at my heaviest, exhausted, no self-confidence, on anti-depressants and absolutely self-loathing. That picture is a reminder of the place I never want to be again. Some of the details I will share in this blog will probably be embarrassing, but I will be 100% honest. This isn't about weight loss, its about taking care of yourself so you can live a long, healthy life. 

For most of my life I've been trying to lose weight. Isn't that sad? How much time and effort have I put into dieting and for what? I can assure you it was all about vanity and nothing to do with health. It all started when I was 10. Faithful calorie counting, measuring portions, memorizing nutrition information, consistent exercise regimens....no wonder I was exhausted! When I was at my skinniest, I missed out on more important things because of the time I devoted to exercising. And pardon my language, but I was an absolute bitch to my family. Was it worth it? Not a chance. 

I've been down to size 4 and up to size 22, but normally hover around a size 10. Over the years I have constantly beat myself up for not exercising hard or long enough, not being thin enough, not eating enough healthy foods, not having enough willpower. Enough already! About a year ago I decided that I was tired of hating my body. I don't know why, I was just driving listening to the radio and suddenly it hit me. Hit me hard! I was a little teary and felt like I was begging myself for forgiveness. Do I have flab, rolls and dimples? Yes. So what? I also have muscles from all my diligent exercise (and carrying around two kids). I will never look like a Victoria's Secret model, but the Victoria's Secret models don't really look like that either so I'm in good company. I have even come to accept (dare I say like?) my butt. Its not small and I'm ok with that. Acceptance is coming slower for my tummy and thighs. 

One of the most important aspects of wellness is to figure out what works for you! Only you know what makes you feel your best. Consider it a grand science experiment. You're not exactly like anyone else so stop comparing and start appreciating. Sure, its hard. I'm just getting started, but I'm determined and I want to help other people, too. It breaks my heart to think of anyone abusing themselves the way I have- binge eating, excessive exercise, stimulants and self-disgust. Skinny or fat, men or women, anyone and everyone's bodies deserve to be treated with respect and care.

Its time to start celebrating healthy choices and stop striving for perfection. Letting go of all that baggage can only allow you to move on to bigger and better things. I'm going to and I hope you will, too.  

I am very motivated by goals and I have been very lax with exercising since September. So, to get me back in the habit I've decided to participate in a few 5k's. I will be using Couch 2 5K to ease into a training program and gradually build my stamina.

What's your next get healthier goal?

Me in May 2001 (blue and white stripes, of course)

Disclaimer: To me healthy choices include- eating "whole" foods, getting adequate sleep, managing anger and stress levels, exercise, etc. It does not include weight loss from starvation, drugs or purging after eating. Additionally, you should consult your physician before beginning any new diet or exercise program.